Teen Dating Violence Awareness

Oftentimes young women look for love in all the wrong places.

We long to be truly loved and believe that true love can be found in the arms of a young man. When the relationship is new, it can be exciting. Our heart pounds at our new “prince charming.” He seems to kind, so polite, so caring, so attentive, so doting. He says all the right things that we have longed to hear.

His actions, however, begin to change ever so slightly. He starts to criticize, demean, respond in a sharp tone, show disdain but then says it’s your fault because if you just acted differently he wouldn’t be forced to say such things. He may even become more physically aggressive. We try to change to please him all to no avail.

We’re not the problem—he is.

I know. My first boyfriend tried to commit murder/suicide. It began so subtly. He began to swear at me and then call me swear names. He oftentimes made me cry and it left him cold as ice. He never tried to console me. That alone should have been a huge “wake-up” call for me.

Then one day he floored it over railroad tracks and said how disappointed it was that it didn’t work. He said he had hoped that our heads would have hit the ceiling and our necks would have broken. I was shocked because I had no idea that he wanted to kill both of us yet it wasn’t enough to make me leave him.

Troubled times escalated until one day he told me that if I did a certain thing he would get a gun and blow the other young man’s brains out and then he’d come after me and blow mine out too. Sadly it wasn’t even the threat of death that made me break up with him. It was the fact that I realized he didn’t trust me and if he didn’t trust me then we really didn’t have a relationship at all.

When I finally had the courage to break it off with him he seemed to accept it and walked out. I remember jumping up and down so grateful that it was so easy. However, before he got to his car he turned around and came back. I so desperately wanted to run and hide but knew that I’d have to face the music eventually so just get it over with. I didn’t expect what happened next. He grabbed my arm and pulled me across the hall, pinned me against the wall with his arm across my throat and very lightly slapped me in the face because the only explanation I would give him was, “It’s not you, it’s me.”

He finally left and I cried deeply. I wrote to him and made a huge deal out of him hitting me. His reply was, “I just slapped you.” No remorse. No conviction that it was wrong. It was justified in his mind and no big deal. I remember years later when I became born again my pastor’s wife told me that God spared me from being an abused wife. She was so right. Fast forward 27 years later and I suffered PTSD. I discovered that I had been looking over my shoulder for 27 years waiting for him to carry out his threat to kill me.

I wrote this message because some of you who are reading this have been in or are now in a domestic violence situation. Bring it out in the light! Talk to someone! Get help! Don’t fall for the lie that you are the one who needs to change or that you are the problem. It’s not you. It’s him! In my blog “emotionallyfreetobe.net” my motto is that you can be emotionally free to be all that God wants you to be! You can be healed from the pain and heartache of your past! True lasting emotional healing can be found through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. The Eve Center is here to help you walk out your recovery and restoration as volunteer peer counselors pray with you as your share stories with us. Give us a call today and start your restoration journey this week!