My Forgiveness Letter
Dear Heavenly Father,
I come to You today to ask for Your help, and the help of the Holy Spirit, to forgive someone who has allowed the enemy to deeply hurt me, distract me from Kingdom matters, and steal decades of my life from me.
I have felt a deep calling to know You and be known by You from the earliest age. But it wasn’t until after the abortions that I truly saw my own sin and repented and asked forgiveness for what I had done. And you put a new spirit in me, that is true and I believe it – that I am born again. I filled myself with your Word and was in church every time the doors were open. I was soooo hungry for You. But my soul was wounded and as a new Christian I still struggled.
As “gospel lift” began working in my life and things improved from the squalor I was living in, I started taking care of myself, lost weight, and started dating. I went to a Christian singles group looking for a mate, but nada, nothing. So, I took matters into my own hands and walked right into Satan’s trap.
The men I met were not Christian, and I had multiple sexual relationships. Deep down, I knew this was wrong. These weren’t even high caliber men. They were lost in their own sin. And I sinned against myself – SOUL WOUNDS! The last of these men is my current husband – (I got pregnant and would not abort again) who has now finally moved out and I feel a freedom and peace I have not felt in- hmmmm- I don’t know when I have felt this.
I believe this was consequences for my sin. I prostituted myself with men, for what? Meals? Gifts? Maybe, but more so for a sense that I was desirable, that I mattered, that I was wanted.
What a lie from the pit! And I believed it and chased it down.
The TRUTH is, I was desirable to YOU, and wanted by YOU, and loved by YOU. All those years – suffering abuse – believing lies.
But, You, oh LORD, are gracious to my soul. You restore the years the locusts have eaten. You use all these things for my good. I need not be bitter and angry at myself any longer. Jesus paid the price for these sins and I am forgiven. I have learned so much of how the enemy draws us away from God, and as a baby in Christ I was vulnerable. Yes, I made poor choices, and paid heavy consequences. But God was with me the entire way, carrying me when I couldn’t walk, teaching me to persevere, teaching me diligence – not to quit but to press on. As I step out now into the light of day, I leave—forget–those things which are behind, and press forward into the ever and always new beginning of Life in Christ – with a freshness and lightness of step. Come, Holy Spirit, wash me clean, make me ever new. I release all the old wounds to You and lay them bare. I thank You, Jesus, for the healing I receive now, that You paid for so dearly….so that I could finally forgive myself.